Cairo, the 14th September, 2009


“Time for myself”

There is a time to shine and a time to take refuge in total darkness, recovering from ancient wounds and breathing again from a totally new air.
There is a time for action and a time to stand still and listen to ourselves.
There is a time to lick our wounds and heal them and a time to love again, a time of hurry and a time of slow pace as we watch the birds and the bees. Simple and essential as they are. Insignificant as they just seem to be.

After winning the first battles of what it was crossing a fire zone in my personal and professional life and a very challenging new performance place, I am taking time for myself to recover my breath that has been literally taken away by the continuous hard work, successes and “having to be on top” pressure.

I have crossed a hard desert and arrived to an incredible, luxurious oasis of my own making and no matter how many times I say I am proud of myself, it will never be quite enough.

I am beyond proud of myself.

I am also overwhelmed by what I’ve been achieving but the price of the struggle is very clear on my body and mind. I am so tired that I am starting to “crazy talk” in Austrian with perfect strangers (I didn’t even know I knew Austrian!) and giggle like crazy people for no reason. Hhhmmmm…

I am totally breathless and exhausted and yet never been happier in my life.
Still hard to believe I am performing in such a great place – “NILE MAXIM”, Cairo – due to my talent and competence (and not through the “classical” bed path) . Miracles DO happen!

Ooooooohhhh…I am taking time for myself.
I just want to land in my country, run for the beach and eat grapes after returning from the water with my salted skin, breath, sleep, love and be loved, see some of my best friends, eat well, wearing bikini all day, having some fun and RELAX.
Forgetting about my Egyptian challenges for 10 days! A bit of normality. Just a bit, please!
Will it be possible?!

No make-up or any kind of production. Shoeless (yes!) all day running along with our dogs in total wilderness, dishevelled hair floating free with the wind, sunsets by the beach, kisses and hugs, Portuguese sweets and laughs.
Being a child again. The child I never stopped being right deep inside of me.
Not allowing old pains to turn me into a cold cynical person who doesn’t believe in human being greatness and goodness. No, I refuse to be turned into that.

Friends coming over and eating along by our swimming pool, lounging and cracking jokes, hugging me like only true friends can. All of us running around our lakes.
Laying on the grass with our dogs and falling asleep right there with no agenda on my mind.

There is a BIG SEASON of SHOWS and CLASSES waiting for me in Cairo in October . What I MUST do right now is to empty my head and heart, REBOOT and RESET!
Clean the internal machine, rebuild its structures from the inside out until a new ME is ready for the challenges that will follow. Life is composed of so many deaths…I have learnt to accept them and rebuild myself from the ashes leaving ever more gorgeous flowers on my internal graves.

This is what I must do.
There’s no light or shinning without darkness.
I am retiring myself from the world for a few days. Waiting for the great come back right after the retreat.

Life is made of cycles and every time I close one of them, another one presents itself in front of me ready to be fully experienced. I am ready for the jobs. For everything.
Never in my life have I felt so powerful and yet so humble, so strong and yet fragile and so beautiful. I feel beautiful like never before…

Ready for the BIG mountains and for the applauses.
But, before that, let me vanish for a while. The ultimate luxury…just vanish and be reborn as MYSELF, more of MYSELF.
Amen.