Cairo, the 14th July, 2009

“Fi delivery, ya tante!”
Women as merchandise, again and again and again…

*** Another educational conversation with my assistant – who follows me in my work, gets me tea and helps me pretty much in everything I need, even answering my phone…- who´s caught in the middle of a very common arabic dilemma: marrying – or not – her 18 year old daughter.

*** She´s receiving proposals of various suitors who take a glimpse of her daughter and decide – with no further ado – they want her for their wife. I call it lust and the catastrophic event of being so horny – and unsatisfied – that you´re willing to marry a girl just to legally sleep with her. They call it respectful marriage.
The girl doesn´t know the boy and he doesn´t know her but he has seen her sweet smile and hips and she, for her turn cause nothing comes for free in this life, has seen his professional background, his flat and car and the dowry he´s willing to pay to have her in his house and…(drums dramatically playing here…) in her bed!

***I ask my assistant what´s the take of her daughter on these suitors and what she will do in case she accepts to marry one of these strangers. I receive a bland, conclusive answer : She will be home and give him children. She will learn how to take care of her husband, babies and home and stay in.
Waw! What a promising future for a 18 year old girl!

*** I tell her that the girl is still a “girl” and she doesn´t even know the suitors. Hoe can she accept a marriage proposal based on the flat he´s saying he possess?! She´s not marrying the flat, the car or any of the material possessions he proudly exhibits, she´s marrying HIM! Is there a cathalog of possessions enough to commit her daughter to a stranger?!
How can she marry a stranger and live with him, sleep with him, wake up every day by his side?

*** She tells me yeah, I have a point but she must marry until she´s 20, 24 years old at the maximum. After that age, she´s expired (like a bag of fresh vegetables which no one wants after it´s rotten…) and no one will want to marry her. The suitors appear from behind the trees and fall from the clouds until a certain age – not more than 24, God forbid! – after that, she´s out the market and she´ll end up like her barren aunts and uncles, unmarried and the target of jokes from family and neighbours who presume there must be something very, very wrong about these unmarried weird characters.
My assistant doesn´t want that sad destiny for her daughter. What to do?!

*** I try to tell her that the girl should move on the university, get a superior education (knowledge is power) and know that she´ll find a good man who really loves her – maybe a foreigner! – but , somehow, I don´t believe myself because I know only a huge strike of luck would give this girl a great job opportunity after university (it doesn´t happen for most egyptian men, much less for women) and, in fact, if she´s older, educated and professionally active, she will most probably end up single (the terror of any egyptian, arabic girl). Most arabic men fear the power of an educated woman with a career of herself. Wives are still supposed to be motionless dolls caught inside the walls of a home the husband supports, taking care of the man and the children.

*** I know by personal experience that the typical arabic man will not even respect a woman´s ability to go out in the world, build a career and do something productive outside of the home. I´ve been told – in an extremely criticizing way – that I am not the “home type” woman, the respectable lady whose eyes are only for the family. Any foreigner man in the world would kill to have me as his woman and, in fact, admire my ability to work, succeed and fight in a respectful way for all my goals. Being a warrior and an active person has never contradicted my condition as a woman or so I thought until I met some arabic – cave – men!
Going into the public sphere and producing – maybe more than the man – is seen as a shameful way for a woman and most men would not accept it so what am I advising my assistant to do?! I just don´t have a wise proposal to solve her daughter´s problem.

*** One of the suitors takes my assistant to his newly bought flat in a very remote village outside Cairo surrounded by desert and a few rustic grocery shops. According to his own standards, this remote flat is the proof of his financial stability and a major reason for her to deliver the girl´s hand – and all the rest – to him!
She tells him that her daughter is young and likes to hang with her friends, go to McDonalds and cloth shops, the cinema and all kinds of places where 18 year olds like to go.
He blandly tells her: “Fi delivery, ya tante!” Meaning: “There´s home delivery, aunt!”
Anything she wants, we can order home. That way, she doesn´t have to leave the house and expose herself. Great! I say GREAT! Now I´m convinced.

*** I never stop to amaze myself with the discrepancies between men and women in the Middle East. A 50 year old, fat, bald, ugly, stupid, mean man sees himself as the reincarnation of Marlon Brando but a 24 year old girl sees herself as a left over on the death row path.

*** When will women be treated like human beings and not like date expiring milk cows?! This is my only question.