Cairo, the 12th November, 2010

Going away from Cairo for a few days...I just had to escape!

No way I could avoid an explosion so...

after tonight's early shows, all I think about is going away to Paradise (that is practically everywhere far away from Cairo), just a for a few days.

Right now, I would be a potencial Hiroshima bomb in this city...I would explode on any victim's face just because I heard him saying "Good Morning" in an annoying tone.

Everything seems to be getting on my nerves lately and all the injustices I have been dealing with leave me exhausted, hopeless, lost for direction and longing for an urgent escape.

I can usually hold my temper - otherwise, I would be fighting 24 hours per day in Egypt - but enough is enough and when I reach that certain point of not being able to take the slightest drop of anything...it's better to disappear.

I am never tired from teaching, dancing, choreographing, writing and creating. I could do it 24 hours per day (actually, that's quite what I already do!) and never get tired but the whole thing around me and the lack of human quality I am in touch with on a daily basis just throws me into the deepest hole of disappointment.

My heart is my weak point, I have to admit it...nothing and no one can put me down so deep as when they are bad, act bad, think bad, do something bad towards me or others, touching my heart in the wrong way. Human evilness still surprises me, brings me down, makes me wanna become a fish, a bird and just fly away from here..............................

Such a strong will power in me, such a strong character, mind and body but such a fragile heart which gets hurt so easily...sometimes, it's difficult to be in my own skin dealing with all these contrasts that compose who I am.

I am wasted and loosing all my energy on the environment that I am living in. Bad people everywhere trying to take advantage of me in different ways, liers and cheaters, sexual harassement and job opportunities offered in exchange for sex...aaarrrggggghhhh...it's just toooooooooo much. I can't take it anymore, really...

Curiously enough, I managed to get my current mood on pictures taken tonight by the hand of my assistant who, as usual, loves to film me and photograph me. I don't mind to be filmed and photographed, any ways so we're good in that department.

As I know myself, I can see how hard it was to dance tonight...I see the sadness in my eyes in these photos, the exhaustion, the breathless desperation...Also curious was the result of the show: AMAZING.

Who knew?! Sometimes, it's in the moments of deepest sadness that I do my best dancing work. I become languid, nostalgic, smooth in my need for a coocon to hide from the world, relaxed because there's no extra energy to be tense, flowing with Life because I quit fighting the flood...the results are often surprising.

Wishing to get away from here as fast as I can...