Cairo, the 17th May, 2011

The worst kind of ambition (arrogance?)

My own.
Worst kind of arrogance, to be ambitious without being a total bitch!
Specially when it comes to Women - in particular in a country like Egypt or any other in the Middle East - ambition is a delicate subject to discuss.
I ve been used to watch as dancers step on another dancers (this applies, unfortunately, to all artistic areas) in order to achieve their goals.
I ve had low tricks and attacks played on me by famous dancers (egyptian and foreigner) who act like Divas on their own right but, as I discovered, are simple nut unscrupulous women who will do quite "anything" to get where they wish to get.

I have the worst kind of ambition.
I refuse to prostitute my body, mind and soul for the sake of my ambition.
I also refuse to harm others or attack them back *(after they try to screw me as if I was the biggest danger in their lives and all they have to do is to eliminate me and then their lives will be just perfect!).
Being honest and kind, in this country, is seen as a weakness, a fault in your character, some kind of fragility. If you REFUSE to be bad and CHOOSE to do GOOD then you are seen as a weak person. This is just how it is.

My ambition is the WORST and I repeat the WORST kind of ambition.
I do not lick any "pasha" s boots (or anything else, for that matter) in order to have professional benefits. I do not show any rich guy my breasts or talk smoothly dirty with him (speciality of most egyptian dancers) to get "WHAT I WANT".

I hate the simple idea of harming another dancer in order to benefit myself and I take any idea of doing it as a mortifying humiliation from my part. I have the nerve - arrogance! - to believe that my talent and professional abilities will do JUST fine and speak for myself.


I don t beg for the favours of the influential people and I don t smile to anyone, if I don t feel like doing it.

I am seen as a weak person from many - the ones who think I could not be bad without knowing that I COULD but I choose not to - or as an arrogant ass by many others who think I should bow and kiss the feet of "pashas" of every level in order to reach my goals.

I have this terrible- yes, worst! - kind of ambition.
Living and respecting myself as a WOMAN (and yes, a kind of queen!) is a sin around here.
Smart asses who know how to fake a hand shake and prostitutes are the HEROS of the day.

Do I have any intention of changing?!
As any of my detractors would tell you, I have NO intention of doing it. It is INDEED a kind of arrogance from which I am so damned proud.