The - chaotic - state of things.

I am always fascinated by the Human capacity for extreme Beauty and Ugliness.

Although I start to accept both sides of the coin, not as a hurtful paradox, but as a FACT of Life, there are times when the heart yells inside my chest:

I am STILL a heart. Don´t pretend you don´t feel. Me. Everything inside and around you.

My astrologer friends advise me to use the planet neptune´s energy (now resident on its original sign: Piscis) as a tool to expand and enhance my ARTISTIC activities. The good girl in me - my bright side of the coin, yes sir! - says "sure I´ll do it".

Neptune is also the energy of madness,dreams and all evasions/escapes from the hard dose of reality we endure on a daily basis. I ran from reality through my Art and Writing, curiously reaching to its core through it. You can run but you can´t hide. Indeed.

Receiving a few more indecent proposals through the Facebook hit me hard as ever. I can laugh about it now. I do. I say to myself that there are all kinds of crazy people in this world and that I may see my PROFESSION as an ART FORM but that doesn´t mean everybody does. My mind tries to bring the relative side of it all to the table but my heart STILL FEELS. Too much. Too loud. Too HUMANLY.

Receiving sexual encounter proposals - not mentioning the regular romantic date proposals which do not earn the place of a worry anymore - simply from the image many men build of me and due, for sure, to my work as an ORIENTAL DANCER never ceases to disgust me. It is the clash between something I LIVE as SACRED and other live as GARBADGE. It is my knowledge against their ignorance and another hard dose of reality that informs me: there must be a LOT of women who do accept this kind of disrespect from men.

For the 100000th time, I say out loud: I am a PERSON, not a SEXUAL OBJECT. I choose the men I sleep with according to what my best friend calls "THE CLIQUE", meaning: falling in love with the man of my heart´s choice. I am a DANCER, not a PROSTITUTE. And NO, you´re not Marlon Brando in his best years.

"Morphine, please...just a little bit of..."