"Welcome to the freak show!"

People, people, people...gather your families and buy your popcorn & balloons. Circus has arrived to the town of Cairo and, with it, an whole array of freaks that test your nerves and your ability to understand what´s for real and what´s a product of your imagination.

As I was feeding the only survivor of family of cats my neighbours got rid off (killing cats and dogs is considered very normal and acceptable in Egypt - ?!?!?!?!?!), I heard somone at the floor above mine opening a door and putting their head out in order to understand from where that voice - mine, while playing and caressing the baby cat survivor - was coming.

This attentive head stood there, listening to my cat-talk, for a while and then the door closed and a young man went down the stairs and quickly appeared in front of me staring at the scene.

When he noticed a baby cat was playing under my legs, he jumped in terror as if he saw a lion of the jungle and ran away but not for long, unfortunately. After the initial shock of finding a really dangerous creature under my legs - no one has an idea of how dangerous that sweet little cat is! - giving me a clear portrait of what GAY means, the character returned to my side and started the classical torture questionary, while ignoring my disgusted expression and the dangerous wild animal that made him run for his life:

-Hi, how are you?

-I am fine, thanks.

-This is your cat?

-No, it s a cat from the building.

-What´s your name?

-Joana.

-Beautiful name. I am Ahmed.

-Hm, hmmm....(heavy silence which subtle negativity was not perceived by this Romeu).

-I am egyptian.

-Good for you.

-And you? Where are you from?

-Portugal.

-Do you live in the building? ´Cause I live on the upstairs floor.

-Yeah, I live in the building. - I tried to close the conversation as I started to poke the little cat in a "good-buy" way, while looking at the egyptian Romeu with clear intentions of finding him a REAL dangerous animal in order to eliminate him from the face of the earth.

-You´re very beautiful. Are you married?

I knew where this was heading so I prepared to leave.

-Hey, where are you going?

-Duh! - No patience, anymore, for such dull stupidity.

After five minutes of being inside of my flat, the door bell rang.

I opened the door to find the egyptian Romeu with another guy who looked like his asshole brother.

-Hi! We want to invite you for a party at our place tomorrow.

-Sorry, but I will be busy.Thanks, anyway.

-Why busy?

-Because I am.

-Oh, pleassseeeee, come to our party.

-I already said I will be busy. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Before I closed the door, he found time to insist:

-So give me your phone number. I want to call you.

-Duh! Duh! Duh!- I am out of "DUHs". Since when women give away their phone numbers to strangers? Since when mental retarded assholes like these ones presume it is OK to knock on a woman´s door to invite them for private parties and declare they wish to call them?!

Since when?!

The freaks did not return to my door but there is an upstairs vigilance going on 24 hours per day, assuring that no comings and goings from my side are left unobserved.

A famous Christmas song says:

"You better watch, you better not cry,

You better not pout,

I am telling you why

Santa Claus is coming to town."

And then there is another infamous song that goes like:

"You better watch out, you better not talk,

You better hide yourself under the wings of a hawk,

Cause Santa Freak is already in town."