Work trips and a very intense, short and definitive trip to Egypt *(which has been my home and career base for the last 8 years of my life) that sealed spaces that were not desired by me anymore, closed chapters that did not bring expansion anymore and confirmed one of the Truths I live by: FOLLOW YOUR HEART and goes where it tells you to go. If a place, situation, relationship, country, job, whatever, does not bring you joy, peace, enthusiasm and the ability to GROW then it is TIME to MOVE ON to another territories that allow you to fulfil your potential(s).
By now, I am happy to be able to wear this dress (see photo on the left) in the street without causing an earthquake, ride my bicycle without having half of the city stuck to my ass (pardon my French), talking to people as human beings and being treated by them equally (instead of being treated like a piece of meat on a daily basis - fact for every FREE woman who lives in Cairo, specially if she is the Satan s lover - aka Dancer).
These perks *(and many others) may seem less than impressing but only to someone who did not live and work as a dancer (honestly and without prostituting my mind, body, heart or soul) in Egypt for so many years. Only my shoes know what I am speaking about...
How I found Egypt (after being away for a few months for work around the world)?
I will let you know about it: just as I thought I would. No surprise whatsoever.
I saw (or FELT with the eyes of a dancer who is in constant contact with Egyptians of all social backgrounds) Egypt moving towards the current direction even before the "attempt" of Revolution. I KNEW that Muslim Brotherhood would win - if the chance for free democratic elections would be offered - and I knew the majority of Egyptians (uneducated, living on a basic survival instinct mode, highly emotional-not rational at all because their brains have been destroyed from an early age, easy to manipulate and buy) would fall in this trap: the promise of "BARAKA" (prosperity, abundance) from Alah if the country took the "Islamic" direction (whatever that REALLY means).
I found a Medieval country with the Holly Quran played 24 hours per day and an intensified(and empty) sequence of "religious" rituals and appearances that seem to be the only hope for millions. The Muslim Brotherhood is obviously spreading its tentacles and establishing their "people" everywhere - like a virus that is growing faster than the vaccine to fight it.
President Morsi has fallen from grace - not because people stopped believing in Muslim Brotherhood or because they see he was a fraud from the beginning but because he could not give jobs, money and a future to all the desperate Egyptians who were hopeful for them.
When President Mubarak stepped down all hopes of a different country were high (including mine). Egyptians have suffered enough from Governments who make nothing but exploit them, keep them in ignorance and oppression and maintain the gap between the very rich (a minority) and the very poor (a painful majority). Corruption (of behaviour, mind, heart, soul) became more than a problem - it became a way of life, the only survival for millions of people that were never allowed to be fully human, free, ALIVE.
For years I felt on my skin what it meant to live, work and fight for survival and growth (such a luxury of mine!) in Egypt. No protection, no pimps, no rich guy on my back, no clever manager made into convenient husband: just me, my orchestra, my audiences and the daily problems that come when you go and ARE against the current.
I know how frustrating it can be to be honest, correct with everyone and dignified and being taken by a fool for that. I know how it feels to be the best in my job and lose opportunities simply because I refuse to go out (aka "have sex with") a powerful guy, the boss, a smart ass with a leadership position on his hands.
I know...for years I lived between Egyptians and FOR Egyptians (to the point that, in my soul, I know I am one of them) and THAT says it all. Feeling that "my country" is going down the drain and there is nothing I can do about it.
Bassem Youssef (a dear gentleman who hosts one of the most popular humour talk-shows in Egypt) was charged in Court for disrespecting the president and the Islam and many others have been charged and jailed for expressing their opinions contrary to the current power.
The economy and the tourism are in the gutter (go figure why!) and foreign investment is - literally - disappearing (there is no foreign currency in the country and anyone who wishes to exchange Egyptian pounds for dollars or euros will go through hell-black market and many other Government sponsored dirty schemes to get it).
Many campaigns to fight sexual harassment (and assaults) in the streets are working hard to stop this freakish phenomenon but the ROOTS of it are still untouched (do not even ask me to go into the subject...oh, boy!) but the truth is that the only way to circulate in public (in Cairo, at least...) without having a nervous breakdown from the harassment is to be blind and deaf or to cover yourself with a loose bag of potatoes and dog s poop (even in this case you would find sick men who would feel turned on by the poop...Freud! Where are you when you re needed?!).
The few dance establishments which are still working are struggling to keep their doors open and pay their employees (that includes dancers who are being miserably compensated and have to fight, sell dance dresses and whatever they can manage in order to just survive).
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| How the brain of Egyptians is being played...Oh, Lord. |
Once I landed at Cairo airport I lived a moment that resumes it all: as I observed a series of Holly Quran books sitting on the security tables and chairs I also listened (with a poker face in order to avoid murdering someone) as the security guard who checked my passport sexually harassed me (in Arabic...probably presuming I did not understand what he was saying) as if he was just telling me "Sabah il kher" ("good morning"). Everything was so natural, brutal, absurd, profoundly sad...I could not gather the energy to make a fight and all I had in my mind was to close this chapter of my Life and take away with me the BEST of EGYPT: the music and dance the country itself rejects as part of their own identity. I refused to let the current state of the place to leave dark spots on my soul - the kind I would not be able to erase. I closed my eyes, breathed deeply, smiled and moved on knowing (all too well) that I cannot change people or the mentality of Darkness Egypt is drowning itself into.
All I can do is to gather the KNOWLEDGE, EXPERIENCE, LESSONS, LIFE s juice this Great School of Mysteries (that is Egypt) gave me (in exchange for my sweat, blood, laughter and tears) and share it with the World. The purpose of my Journey in Egypt was clearer than ever - as opposed to the current Darkness - and all I felt was GRATITUDE for all the berries I could pick up from this holy ground.
Grateful that I caught the "tail of the Dragon" and I am NOW flying on it - spreading the gathered berries throughout the world. That has always been my dream, mission and blessing (that and the privilege of wearing RED LIPSTICK in public again...).
P.S. Notice Egypt is a country of contradictions and MANY faces. Imagine an onion with a thousand layers of skin - each skin you peel showing a different landscape & reality.
There is not ONE Egypt but many - geographically speaking, first of all. Each zone of Egypt portrays a specific reality with sub-cultures so varied and rich that touching them would make your head spin.
From the Bedouins to the Nubian, the Saiidi and the Eskandaranie (from Alexandria) and so on. Different lands, people, languages, music, dance, culture inside of a single country.
Then there are many ways of SEEING and EXPERIENCING Egypt.
~Tourists will see it on a superficial, postcard like manner, reminiscence of the oriental fantasies the West still carries about the East.
~Foreign residents who just hang around and touch - superficially - the outskirts of Egyptian society will see a little further but not deeper into the Egyptian reality(ies). In this group you may find journalists, students who are passing by, wives of workers who are there just accompanying their husbands, all kinds of foreigners whose survival does not depend on working in the Egyptian market or dealing with the unpleasant realities of daily life in a country as complex and hard as this one.
~The expatriate community usually composed by closed communities of foreigners who work for international companies and live a secluded, luxurious, protected from reality life style. Their daily contact with the Egyptian population may be resumed to dealing with a driver, gardener, home cleaning lady and not much more.
They have their own drivers, ultra expensive homes with their "bowebs" (doormen) wearing an "almost papillon" outfit and their kids get along with the kids of another foreigners. The "outside" world of Egyptians is a National Geographic delirious reality they are not much interested to know about.
~ Egyptians, of course. Even in this shelf you will find different ways of seeing Egypt. The locals who were born there and never lived outside the country and the Egyptians who have lived a long period of time in the West. Both see their country in different ways.
The first ones tend to be blinder to the prison they are living in as the second ones tend to be more openly critical of it.
~Foreigners who live and work daily in Egypt and WITH EGYPTIANS.
This is where the troubles (and potential learning curves) start. What passers by think it is funny, curious, interesting and exotic becomes less than "bearable" when you have to face it every day, year after year. The traffic jams, the noise, the chaos, the absence of rules, word of honour, commitment, ethics and so much more tends to be seen, at first, like small nuisances that make life in Egypt more colourful but try dealing with all of this "exotic issues" day after day, year after year - face to face...then we can talk.
Mentality issues come along. Religious issues come along. Ethics, morality and VALUES come along. Completely different (maybe even opposite) ways of thinking and LIVING come along. It is a tough cookie to crack and it surely gives you a deeper, rawer vision of Egypt s inner tummy.
~ Oriental Dancers (or "rakkasat") who have worked under contract for years in Egypt have a special view over the country. I am not speaking about the dancers who pass by, offer themselves to perform for free in a wedding or two and promote themselves as "performing in Egypt". Nope. I am speaking about someone who has signed, year after year, a contract that carries obligations and the pressure to work on a daily basis to sustain herself and an whole team of people who depend on her performance and success (musicians, assistants, technicians).
Even in the case of dancers working (under contract) in Egypt there are differences.
The ones who have a "man by their side" (a lover, pimp, manager-husband, convenient boyfriend, etc) have a glimpse of Egypt. The ones who refuse to sleep with men to facilitate their job have a completely different (and harsher) point of view on the country.
Way too complex and long subject to be fully exposed in this blog but I guess this is enough for the reader to have an idea of how many "Egypts" there are.
In the heart of it all there is the Soul of Egypt - only revealed to the few who proved to be worth IT. In the limit of darkness there is LIGHT. In the limit of ignorance there is WISDOM. In the limit of injustice there is FAIRNESS. In the limit of death there is LIFE (and that is the CORE of Egypt).
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