Why performing in Egypt is not MY THING anymore...

 

 

Performing and living in Egypt has always been (for me - hence not applicable to all the dancers) about LEARNING, killing my immense CURIOSITY, DISCOVERING the roots under* the roots of Egyptian Dance, going deeper into this dance language and finding its heart/core, finding and challenging myself and GROWING as an artist and person.

 

The whole package was wrapped up on a past rescue that was overdue in Egyptian soil. Basically: I went to Egypt to rescue a past that I needed to solve and expand in this life (yep: I know how weird this sounds to most of you...move along, fellows, move along...do not mind me):).

 

I thought I may stay for an year and I ended up living and performing on a daily basis for 8 years during which all I cared about was to DEVELOP my craft and the knowledge I have of it.

Situation has started to change for the last few years (even before the "attempt" of an Egyptian Revolution in 2011). Here are some of the reasons why I felt it was time to conquer another territories:

 

 

1. I reached a point in my career of constant success, comfortable acceptance by musicians, people in the business as well as audiences (locals and foreigners). Although this is wonderful and a product of my skills and hard work it can also be the "death of the artist". I became a queen in my little kingdom of Egypt and the key word here is "LITTLE". First Egypt looked too grand for me. Once I conquered it and worked in the places I dreamt of without selling my body or soul to the devil there was a standstill point that gave me no more ground for challenge, improvement, growth.

 

When a place or circumstance does not allow me to grow (as a person and as an artist - both interconnected) I consider it a dead experience that I am not interested in anymore.

 

2. Egyptians have always been my favourite audiences.

No complimentary applauses will come from them (opposed to European audiences who will applause out of courtesy and respect for the performers), specially if you are a foreigner and not much is expected from you.  They are loud, active audiences who know no boundaries that may divide the audience from the stage.

 

As I built my name with the locals (my most faithful supporters) I noticed how divided they were. A part of them (their mind full of pollutions, ignorance and prejudices) considered me and my job "haram" (forbidden by God), seeing me as less than a prostitute. The other part of them (their hearts and souls) still remembered* their eternal language and re-lived it through me and WITH me.

This kind of schizophrenia was about 50% of the negative and 50% of the positive. Nowadays the percentage of the negative (mind garbage specially intensified by the recent "religious" extremism dominating the country and its people) is 90% towards 10% of the positive.

Being treated like a prostitute - specially around and outside my work arena - had its teaching bonuses at their own time but they simply do not serve me good anymore.

 

3. I reached all my career goals in Egypt and went beyond them so there is a certainty that there is nothing more to conquer there.

 

 

4. The next STEPS on my career cannot be taken in Egypt - simple as that. Every - well structured - career is made of different mountains one escalates and several steps one must take up. From Portugal to Egypt. From the Egypt to the World: this is the natural progression of my Path.

My BOOK (about this whole Journey) is written and ready to get out from the woven. A brand NEW SHOW is on the way outside the "Egyptian" limitations but fed with my "Egyptian History". Brand new mountains are in front of me to be escalated, conquered, savoured, learnt from.

 

5. I reached a point, a personal point, where I understood that the hope for a "normal life" with "normal relationships" would be totally out of question if I continued to live and work in Egypt. Most of my personal relationships in Egypt mirrored the impossibility of two worlds that collide and cannot mix - although admitting it may sound a colonialist bitchy attitude.

The only way for these two worlds to co-exist is for one of the parts to bend its back and forget about its values and way of life. Rejecting what I know - in my consciousness - to be the RIGHT THING in order to keep a relationship has never been an option for me.

I refuse to be transformed into a freak (or even worse) in order to sustain personal relationships.

Then again: the issue is way too complex and wide for the space of this blog...

 

6. Living off my Dance work in Egypt was always a bit of a struggle. I earned enough to live comfortably and exclusively from my performances but there was never enough money to save. The few extra money I got was invested in better musicians, dance cloths, dancers, rehearsals, etc. If your income comes ONLY from honest dance work then you know you are not gonna be even close from rich in Egypt.
The bling comes from prostitution (illegal or legal prostitution made through convenient marriages and subsequent divorces with rich "pashas"). Whoever tells you she got a fortune dancing in Egypt without selling her booty is eating you for a fool (at a very early breakfast time).
 

More recently, these conditions that were already hard became impossible to bear for any dancer who lives exclusively from her shows (as it has always been my case). If I have to live in a shitty neighbourhood of Cairo (putting my safety and mental well being at risk) in order to save money, if I have to do side jobs in order to survive, beg for shows (orchestras leave their dancers if they do not provide them with permanent work) or even pay from my pocket to sustain them it is time to get out of that mess.
No need to take it, thanks God. I have earned my name, built it, honoured it - therefore there is no reason to go beneath me and all that my career is worth

 

7. The country has changed (for the worse).

Walking safely in the streets at any given time of the day or the night is not possible anymore. Inflation has risen food s prices to unbearable levels

LIFE does not stop - neither do I. Friends are carrying guns in their cars for personal protection and are still afraid of getting robbed at any time, any place.

As economic and political conditions and hope descend to the gutter level people are even more desperate, hopeless than before. If the most basic survival instincts ruled most Egyptians behaviours before, you can only imagine it now - after a period of 2 years of lost perspectives, money, livelihood, dreams, expectations... if humanity was already rare* now it is practically extinct (with few exceptions that keep your faith in people).

8. I resisted the current for so long, I have seen and experienced so much ugliness and I always swore to myself I would not let Egypt change me for the worse. The moment I felt all the mud could rub on my skin I would leave - before I allowed it to transform me into someone I do not want to be.
Walking above and between the mud without letting it touch me has always been my thing. I confess I got exhausted from doing it. It is time to step firmly on a ground full of clean sand, flowers, grass, beauties I wish to touch on a constant basis.
Being a better HUMAN BEING after so much I ve been through and achieving all my dreams without EVER being someone I am not proud to be is main reason for the immense pride and respect I have for myself. No way I would risk losing it*.
 

 

9. I am a Gipsy and a Seeker, basically.

Once I have conquered a place and learnt everything I had to learn from it I know it is time to be on the road again.
This is me. Life calls me to higher skies and who am I to contradict Life*!?


10. I will never LEAVE Egypt
simply because it is part of me.
 I carry it in my body, mind, heart, soul and dance.
Impossible to depart from myself (and remember we always go back home to the place we ARE).