Portugal, the 27th April, 2011

Love/Marriage!

Still on the wedding theme...

My sister´s wedding made me think about many things and confirm others.

I come from Egypt where most weddings are not made from love, personality compatibility and much less the soul connection I find essential in a lover´s couple.

I come from that world of four wives and concubines, wives being cheated on and cheating (under the table, of course!) on their husbands, lies, games and a huge hipocrisy that society proclaims as the INSTITUTION of MARRIAGE.

I come from a place where legetimacy is given to anything you do, as long as you keep it a secret and neighbours do not see it. Appearances rule and I sadly recognize that does not only apply to Egypt but also to the West where couples come together for the sake of not being lonely, for sheer pure pressure from family/society or for giving up of finding such a thing as "true love".

During my sister´s wedding, I was reminded that each person choses their own prisons and also their own joys. It is the biggest gift of all to love and be loved by that same person in a way that defies conventions, men´s laws and imposed institutions and general narrow mentality that tries to put us all in a box.

While observing the whole wedding scene and being happy for my sister (specially for the baby who is on her way! Yes, it is a GIRL!!!:), I also understood why I never felt like REALLY getting married to anyone. Explaining my aversion would take us to an whole different, long chapter...

With all due respect and gratitude to the men I loved - who all had wonderful treats to them - I never found someone strong enough, BIG enough to make me want to take that step.

I also praise freedom and individuality too much. This is a hard puzzle to understand but the core of it comes to this: I don´t care for things I do not feel. I don´t please society or strangers who think I should be as oppressed and dead as they are and I seek TRUE LOVE, above all.

Is this a "Romeu and Juliet" syndrome I am suffering from?!

I want nothing less than the true, raw, REAL LOVE in my life with no need for institutions, papers, lawyers, audience clapping and someone calling me "HIS wife".

Should I change my mind regarding to this subject, I will let you know.

Meanwhile, my heart and my head are still stuck on the REAL THING and, by God, we all know that does not include a wedding ring!