My (very) personal apology to Blume.

I profess no specific religion. I follow no specific prophet (although all the prophets seem like quite fascinating individuals to me). I don t recognize stupid laws, traditions or authorities that bind the spirit and crash my own Humanity.

I follow VALUES that were taught by my close family and I follow my own conscience which KNOWS best (although I refuse to listen to it, some times...).

One of the many things my incredible mum taught me was to apologize when I feel I made a mistake. No matter how much annoyance my ego may try to cause me, just be strong and apologize. It is a sign of character, not weakness.

Another thing this same mum taught me was to never act in the same way of those I saw as ignorant, arrogant or evil. We are NOT responsible for whom other people are and for what they do BUT we ARE responsible for our ANSWER to this same people.

Sure it is not easy to answer with kindness and love when you feel disrespected or offended while doing nothing to deserve it. But it is the quality of the wise to control their own reactive/protective instincts and act BEYOND any attack.

I have failed in this matter.

Light comes to us in the most unexpected ways. I recognize (re-cognoscere is a latin word that means "to know again") it does.

And our MASTERS are, indeed, everywhere. Very often in the person who hurt us and offend us to test how much we have grown ourselves and how much of what we defend can be applied to our actions.

While dressing up for another show with my musicians (yesterday night...must have been the first really COLD evening of Autumn in Cairo), a friend of mine called me to comment on the "witch" burning process that was going on in the Facebook around my person.

"Oh, let them burn themselves and use me as a lighter and gasoline. That has nothing to do with me, really!"

I told her what happened and exactly what I answered Blume (whom I don t know but REALIZE is a human being like me and, therefore, deserves my kindness no matter what) when she accused me of spam and threatened to report me like a criminal to the Facebook simply because a friend had posted the link to my Fan Page in her Group.

- What the hell was that? That girl must have been way out of line... it s ridiculous.

You, usually, report as spam and report people to the Fb authorities when they are stalkers or sexual perverts, right? - My friend told me, agreeing with me.

- Well, yeah. I think so. At least, my personal page is open to sharing all kinds of interesting things and I personally promote other dancers and events I consider CONSTRUCTIVE so I really thought her threats were way out of line. As if my Fan Page was offending her on some way...weird, exaggerated, aggressive. That s how I see it. - I concluded.

My friend was compassionate with me until I told her, practically word by word, what was my straighforward answer to Blume.

Now...the thing about REAL friends is that they always tell you the truth, even if that is umpleasant or disagrees with your own perspective.

- Wow...Joana! Did you tell the girl all that? In those words?! You must have hurt her feelings, don t you think so? - She made me notice.

- Well, not as much as she hurt mine by dealing with me like a common stalker.

Who the hell does she think I am? And why waste her time threatening me JUST because Sonya made a link of my Fan Page in a Group with the name "Cairo" in it?

It is RIDICULOUS.

So, yeah. I told her all that and I would tell her some more, if I had her face to face.

She was being a bitch and I answered her in the same way... - I told my friend, already falling into some other reality, higher perhaps.

My friend didn t follow the conversation. She didn t have to. She knows me well enough to feel when I realize I made a mistake, by myself, in a single second.

I had to finish getting dressed and get on stage but my heart was already feeling it ALL.

In fact, it was never my intention to hurt anyone s feelings and I m the kind of person who people, usually, come for healing and inspiration, not to get hurt.

If I felt offended by the threats of Blume, I should have forgiven her on the spot. I should not answer aggression with equal aggression.

If I open my Page to other dancers and love to share other people s work, I must accept that not everybody is obliged to do the same. Having an OPINION about what this means doesn t have to be, necessarily, something I talk about but simply keep to myself.

If I felt any frustration, unhappy reflection on me from this person who approached me with unreasonable aggressivity, I should feel compassionate towards the pain I feel in this person and shut my mouth, simply asking her WHY she had that behaviour.

The thought that I might have hurt someone s feelings - in this case, a lady called Blume, but it could have been anyone else - made me cringe and feel sad with myself. That s not who I am, not even when I am defending myself.

If I defend that we should LIVE with LOVE for others, then I should know that means LOVING them even when they are wrong with me, when they attack me in any way, when they are unfair to me. Loving someone who is great with you is easy. Loving someone who approaches you in the opposite manner is the REAL proof of your own sanity and maturity as a person.

In some ways, I now see that Blume (name that I, curiously, adore) was wrong and out of proportion in her attitude with me but I was equally wrong by answering an attack with another attack.

Maybe my answer to her was the accumulation of many, many disrespects I ve been delivered with in the last years of struggling as an ARTIST in Egypt where women are still 3rd cathegory territory owned by men and dancers are seen as cheap prostitutes.

Maybe I am sick and tired of being good to other people and receiving back stabbing as a regular feed-back.

Maybe I m too hurt from the battles any dancer has to face if she wants to work and succeed in Egypt without selling her body and soul to the devil.

Maybe I am over sensitive to any kind of aggression or unfair accusation because I ve heard incredible stories about me from men I refused to sleep with around here or other dancers who just don t like me due to my success and the proud, clean way with which I achieved it.

Maybe, maybe...so many other things yet the important for me to say is:

I am sorry if I hurt your feelings, Blume (she knows who she is) and I don t care how aggressive or unfair your message may have felt to me. I should have known better than to answer with the same coin.

Besides this, I even thank you for making me REALIZE that I m still acting through my most basic reactions and instincts, some times.

And THANK YOU for the bright IDEA of my brand NEW PROJECT in Cairo that came out from all this mess originated by my beloved "Joana Saahirah Fan Page":

"Women s Empowerment and Creative Union through Oriental Dance".

Oriental Dance classes to women of all nationalities and walks of life;

Discussion of topics chosen by these women;

Book club and much more...

(more details will come soon!).

My apology doesn t come from any other place than my own conscience. From there and also from my heart.And it is of moments like this that GROWTH happens.

Thanks to all the MASTERS I find in my path (Blume, you are one of them!) and for the ability to follow and ASSIMILATE their messages bringing more LIGHT into my LIFE.

P.S.Dear Blume, I also invite you to come to Cairo and join me in one of my shows or classes. It will be a pleasure to meet you.:)