Cairo, the 14th January, 2010

"A woman in a men´s world"

I recently realized that I am a woman in a men´s world (yes,I have been quite busy and distracted so far...).
I was aware that I live beyond the fifth dimension. I know, by all possible means, that Egypt is suspended in a strange skin of reality, like a limbo, a country between worlds not really existing in the world as we geaographically know it.

I was also aware that I move between people I fail to understand - egyptians and arabs - and that also has to have an effect on me. No one can live 24 hours per day surrounded by people he/she doesn´t understand without getting affected by it.

Yet I was not aware, until yesterday during another meeting with more composers (or the son of a dead composer- may God give him rest and peace - I might add) that I am a woman in a men´s world. I own my orchestra - composed by 9 men and a lady - and deal with 99% of male employees and co-workers.
All the composers, empresarios and various individuals who seem to surround me are men who look at me with the same strange sense I have towards them.

My behaviour is cathalogued as male behaviour and all my deals are cut with bearded creatures (not that some women do not have beards cause they do!).
Has this shapped my personality in any way?
I know that being taken by a fool - which happens less and less - or as a prostitute (for the simple fact of being a dancer)have shaped me BIG TIME. I know that.
Does the fact of dealing 99% of the time with egyptian-arab men affected me or not?!

Well...I´ve seen it BIG TIME as far as men are concerned. I´ve seen the best and the absolute worst and I still LOVE men.
Maybe a part of me has become even more proud of being a woman when I see myself respected and even feared by men in my profession. Maybe I´ve become less emotional - at least, apparently - and needy than most women I know.
Maybe I have turned into a strange hermaphrodite species who joins the qualities of both men and women.To deal with egyptian and arab men and feel respected by them I surely have to forget that I am a woman for a while and never EVER show any sign of vulnerability, sensuality or stupidity. They would eat me alive.

Maybe, maybe...

Maybe, due to intensive and exclusive living with men I am growing a beard...possibly even a moustache like Saiidi men use on their tanned, thick skin faces. Maybe...

How does this reality - crazy reality - affects me?
I don´t know.
Going for the beard.:)