Cairo, the 18th January, 2010

Sweet Madness...

Entering a composer's internal universe and opening your whole being to him (so that he can compose for YOU) is a strange, fascinating - often marvellous and scary - task.
A sweet kind of madness has entered my life recently.
The process of allowing a great composer into your life and most secret places and, at the same time, sharing his own demons and wonders is something between miraculous and terrifying to be part of.

An whole new dimension of music has been shown to me.
Traveling inside all the possibilities of music is a journey that requires a certain amount of genius and madness. Evasion, passing from dimension to another dimension, allowing your mind to go to places where normal life does not take place.
Now I can fully understand why so many great musicians are plain crazy...now I REALLY get it.

What a maniac kind of privilege to be part of the composer's work, sharing feelings, tastes, manias, ideas and aspirations.
Most of all, how wonderful it is to see yourself so truthfully described through someone else's music. This is ME, JOANA translated into a music that will carry my name, my identity or part of it, my soul.

We sit and listen together. He dreams away a melody that arrives we don't know from where. I am an active audience to the composing process and feel fascinated and transported to a new, ephemeral dimension where ALL possibilities are available.

The doorknob that opens up to the world of clinical madness is right there in front of me...I can just pull it and I am on the other side of the fence. Limbo. The frame of a second away from pure madness and, yet, total clarity.

I am in love with music, more than ever.
And music is in love with me too. I can just feel it.
I am privileged.