Cairo, the 2nd January. 2010


“Balance"

I’ve never felt so excited about a New Year.
Finally and for many reasons I am too exhausted to enumerate, I totally own myself and am not afraid to say NO to things and people which are not of my best interest.
I feel more mature, secure, relaxed with all that I am both personally and professionally.

I always find arrogance very funny and, may I say, ridiculous. For me, it’s a clear sign of littleness and poor spirit so…I fail in many things but arrogant is something I proud myself of NOT BEING.
When I hear other dancers speaking about themselves so overly self-assured and assuming they are the best in the world and “know it all”, all I can conclude is : “Damm…I am REALLY out of the box! As a Woman, for sure, as well as a dancer/artist”.

For the first time in my life, I am also SO proud of being unique and away from all the arrogance I see in dancers and musicians around me. It’s not that I am better than them, I am just more aware of my own ignorance.

So…during this year that ended – thanks God !!! – I can conclude that I grew but I also had many doubts and felt stagnated – or totally clueless – regarding my ART.
I never thought, not even for a second or after so much appreciation from my audiences from all over the world and specially from Egypt – that I was great or was getting better and better by the day.
Quite the contrary…

Yes, I am aware that I MUST be talented, otherwise I would not have reached so far totally by myself and facing so many – quite monstrous – adversities. I also feel, very often, that I own the music and deeply understand/feel the material I am dealing with but, most of the times, I just felt I knew nothing or very close to it.

Hoping to get even more confident this year (2010 is a SPECIAL year, that I am sure about!) but never loose my feet on the ground. Being aware of your own ignorance is a great sign of intelligence. Don’t ever want to loose that.
I am an artist, not an arrogant arsehole.

So here we go with the late 2009 (buy, buy, sucker!) BALANCE. During this year, I discovered that:

1. Not everyone who gets close to you and smiles is your friend. I’ve discovered snakes under my bed, actresses with no talent and people who don’t possess a mind, a heart or a soul of their own! Very scary.
Choose very carefully the people you want to be surrounded with.

2. Life is unjust but it also compensates the ones who fairly struggle.
I’ve been beaten up – both physically and emotionally – , abused, ill treated by people (?!) I used to love and never believed them when they told me I would never accomplish my dreams. I am so glad I am proving these bastards wrong. My victories are their disgrace and I ‘ll make sure they’ll keep receiving lots but LOTS of disgraces.
NEVER give up your dreams and put action into them. Nothing happens if you just wish for things and cross your arms waiting for a miracle.

3. A dancer is the synthesis of ALL the instruments, all the sounds, all the worlds fit in a song. My body is the first and the last instrument of my orchestra. Knowing this has helped me be aware of my place and function on stage.

4. A loving family is the most important thing in life. They are your base, your homeland and your strenght.
Give your family – that includes real friends – the attention, love and time they deserve.

5. Physical death doesn’t mean absence. This year I have lost my grandmother – who was very close to me –and I cannot yet realize that she’s gone. Although I cannot hold her anymore, I now realize she’s more present in my life than ever!


6. Great artists are not always great human beings. This was a hard one to master! I always thought a genius would be an amazing human being but I was wrong. You can be a talented artist and create master pieces and still be a very poor human being with a small spirit. How is this possible?! Well, that I still don’t know.

7. There are people who do not possess a soul or a heart of their own.

8. As an Artist, I always feel I know very little and am eager to learn from the most experienced, best artists from all areas. Humbleness has been a great weapon for my “crossing of the desert”!

9. Love is sharing your heart, mind, body and soul with someone else. When someone really loves you, they will spread your wings and make you fly and never but NEVER cut them. Not I know this FOR SURE.

10. All I want for my life is very clear in my head now and all I DON’T WANT too. This was my greatest achievement in 2009!

Matter of fact BALANCE points in my profession:

1. In a matter of a few months, I saw my name in the Egyptian and international circuit of Oriental Dance grow like never before. This is even more amazing when this happened with no manager or any kind of marketing behind me.

2. Very happy to have signed a contract with the great “NILE MAXIM” in Cairo. Also in a matter of a few months, this has become my home and the place where I am growing the most.
3. More and more people arrive from all over Egypt and the world to watch my shows. This is an amazing reality I can not completely grasp because it’s so amazing and even beyond my best expectancies. Allow me a small thing over here:
YUPIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE….

4.Also excited to receive more and more students from the whole world and being the Cairo honour invited artist for COLOMBIA ORIENTAL FESTIVAL coming next April!

5. Thrilled to have introduced singing and acting in my shows. Exploring all my potential is what I MUST do in following days, minutes, seconds.
6. Being introduced in the Egyptian wedding industry with an amazing feed-back from audiences of all walks of life. Even more amazing if I thing that, then again, I am doing it with no “man behind my back” or any kind of support.
Damn…I must be doing something right, after all!

7. Besides remaining with my feet on the ground, I have to give myself credit for this year’s achievements:
I managed to earn (with my sweat, brain and talent!) a new contract, build new programs/shows all my myself, conquer new audiences and grow as an artist ALL while dealing with some pretty nasty personal experiences that would throw any mere mortal to the ground
( almost killed by a crazy, jealous ex-boyfriend is on the top of the list and discovering that Egyptian police wouldn’t move a finger because of the assassination attempt is other amazing one!). Most importantly, I survived and got stronger, wiser, even more beautiful (so say my people!) from the inside out.


What I am looking forward to:

1. Keep growing as an artist and human being.
2. Spread my wings to the world both in performing and teaching.
3. Finish and publish my so expected -and delayed - book.
4. Always being healthy and never loosing my child’s heart which has saved me from becoming a “bitch” after suffering from so many back stabbing.
5. Making new wonderful friends who give their back to envy and small minds and open their hearts to generosity, greatness and tenderness.
6. Travel, travel, travel through my work or by any means…
7. Restarting my Yoga practice and meditate a bit everyday. This will save me from going officially nuts.
8. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE from my family, friends and MAN! YES. This is it.