Why can´t I do things "nice and easy" instead of rough and dramatic - all the time?!"Dear choreography diary: there was a major crisis today."
Having your dance so deeply automatized in your muscles and bones that all seems and feels so easy is an achievement - as well as a nerve racking factor when it comes to choreographing new pieces you wish are EXCITING and SURPRISING to yourself.
No combination, no step, no movement seemed fresh and new today.Guess what? They aren´t: that´s the good and the bad thing about being experienced.
A sense of quite despair took over me while I took a minute to remain in silence and decide: should I give up this struggle or fight?! I always end up fighting - I presume that´s my biggest asset: being a fighter - and conquer the "enemy" but, until I get there, a bumpy road is ahead - no end in sight, no lights, no warm bed to spend the night in.
Wasn´t it Nietzsche who said "we need chaos to give birth to a shinning star"?! I´m with you, dear Nietzsche: you´re DA MAN.
Not giving up the CHALLENGE.
Mission: to break the walls of comfort and already known territory; fighting the exhaustion that comes with constant demanding work- on so many levels.
P.S. Doing the FINAL editing/revision of my BOOK. This is IT. The weight of responsability has never been so heavy on me (more ghosts and struggles on that one - no running away).
P.S.2 Full moon is arriving and a ball in my stomach grows with it - bursting with joy, anger, EVERYTHING from Tokyo to Paris. Ahhhh, don´t you love being physically connected with the moon?! (being a woman is a delight...).
P.S. 3 - Going to perform and teach in BARCELONA (Spain) at BOF on the first weekend of November. VERY excited about it- meeting new people, teaching talented dancers, performing for the warm spanish audiences. Wonderful thing on the horizon.:)
P.S.4 Meanwhile, here´s all I feel like doing:
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