“Back to the lion´s cave”

Cairo, the 11th May, 2009

“Back to the lion´s cave”


“I believe that we learn by practice. Whether it means to learn dance by practicing dancing or to learn to live by practicing living, the principles are the same. In each, it is the performance of a dedicated precise set of acts, physical or intellectual, from which comes shape of achievement, a sense of one´s being, a satisfaction of spirit. Onebecomes, in some area, an athlete of God. Practice means to perform,over and over again in the face of all obstacles, some act of vision,of faith, of desire. Practice is a means of inviting the perfectiondesired.”
Martha Graham


*** I´ve been through a lot since I´ve left my country launching myself into an adventure whose consequences I couldn´t have predicted.I came here to develop my dance skills and write a book. I ended updeveloping – besides from the dance skills which tend to be minimal next the the other skills – great LIFE skills and grew inside of me acertain kind of rare survival kit that I suspect will save me fromfurther future clouds and storms.

*** I see life as a sequence of steps. Some times, you step forwardand other times you seem to be stepping backwards when a plan or aproject fails, when your heart is broken by the ones you most loved and trusted or when everything you were headed for, suddenly,disappears as a magical hat in magician´s trick number.


*** One of my survival tips is always to look for opportunities under the dark side of each setback. In Christian terms, I would say that Iknow when God closes a window, He opens a new door for us. If it were not for these unpleasant setbacks, we would not take most of thedrastic and so necessary decisions that makes us widen our horizons and move ahead in our lives. Setbacks, as I learnt to see them, showsus that it´s about time to take a look at another paths, solutions,points of view and unexplored territories. I am a fan of setbacks,even knowing how unpleasant they are.


*** When I thought I would never have to face another “one on one”meeting with managers in Cairo, there I was again – by myself as it has always been since I arrived to Egypt – in the cave of a lion.I´ve made the 5star hotel circuit in this city and I´ve made it with no intermediaries making my ride easier or trading me as fresh meat with managers of nightclubs whose only goal is to get me into bed in exchange for temporary work. Having a pimp who knows nothing about myart and shares none of my professional aspirations and ethics while making money out of me – from dancing or/and from prostitution – isnot what I call a dream team.So…after three years of work in Cairo all by myself – surrounded by all kinds of crows and barriers – I pull myself together, breath deeply and reconsider having to face a new meeting with an equally new manager in a 5star hotel. He had heard about me, that was a fine start.Now I know better than I did three years ago, that also helps. I read the signs faster, I´ve been there, I´ve seen it and I´m not falling for any kind of traps or loosing my time and energy with situations that I know will not lead to the places I want to go.
Tricky points to consider when meeting a 5 Star Hotel manager in Cairo:
What to dress?!I have to dress nicely but not too nice…otherwise I´ll be asking for troubles (translation: “take me to bed…”)How should I talk?! Being polite but cold can seem arrogant. Being polite and warm is a clear hint of seduction that my interlocutor will interpret as a big YES to the eventual “bed proposal” I am preparing myself for. Taking a gay parrot to speak instead of me has crossed my mind but where the hell will I find a polite talking parrot in Cairo?!How much interest should I show in the job I´m applying for?Seeming too interested will give the manager a sense of power that will encourage him to harass me and play with his new potential toy –that´s me! – but not showing real interest is also dangerous cause it can make it look like I am only applying for the “bed job” using dancing as a masquerade to cover my real “professional aspirations”.Should I smile?Well…this one is easy, girl. Never smile while on a meeting with anegyptian manager. Before you know it, you´ll be taken by a devilish seductress which intents are very obvious: seduction.Should I hire a “siko siko” assistant to join me in the meeting?O.k, this one is disgusting and, seemingly, absurd but I´ve arrived tothe end of the rope. If you didn´t get the “siko siko” part, check the explanation:“Siko siko” is a childish term egyptians use for sex. Dancers usually have an assistant to help them with the dressing and make-up part during the shows. I had some egyptian assistants who came to work justto search for marriage or simple fun with men. They wore their veils and their mums would worry about their whereabouts while they were working for a dancer (“haram”!!!) and yet all they did was searchingfor men and flirt with them in a way I couldn´t ever do even with my closest lovers/boyfriends. While DANCING is my ART, I found out that flirting was theirs.

After observing this strange phenomenon I wondered, in a desperateand rather enlightened moment, if I could have an assistant who wouldn´t mind being sexually harassed by managers and even going outwith them while I took care of my own business which happens to be DANCE!Of course I am too shy and silly to dare to propose it to any of my assistants – that I fired on their own time – but, secretly, I keep thinking this could be my salvation.Me, wearing an old bag of potatoes and a false moustache – to discourage any advances on the man´s part – closing dance deals like normal people do : I have a product and you want to buy it, so we do it. Simple!

And my “siko siko” assistant assuring that egyptian tradition of the dancing business is never broken: you pretend to buy a dance show when, in reality, you´re buying meat. How sad is that?!



*** I arrive to the hotel lobby and sight at the view of the men inthe reception area asking me if I´m Joana. “Yes, I am…” (although Ieven doubt my own name lately!)There´s a wedding being prepared in a contiguous room full ofchandeliers and shinning tables, all posh and ostensive in the wayarabic people like to celebrate their marriages and show off theirfinancial assets.I am taken to the manager´s office and asked to wait for him. He´sfinishing another meeting and will be coming in a second. If we´retalking about an “egyptian second”, I may have a full hour ahead of meto update myself with the gossip magazines lying by the sofa as youusually see in the dentist clinics.



*** It was a “New York” second. The manager was in front of me beforeI had the time to flip the first page of the magazine talking aboutBrad Pitt and Angelina Jolie´s ugly break up.


*** As usual, I want to go straight to business and head out fromthere and the manager wants to get to know me and just chat likethere´s nothing in the world besides the two of us. I forgot bothparrot and “siko siko” assistant so I am stuck and doing all thetalking while the gentleman doesn´t seem to be in a hurry, stopping mefrom going straight to the point that brought me here: WORK (who wouldimagine?!).


*** Déjà vu…Oh, God!He orders tea and biscuits, asks me if I want anything else and givesme the gentleman pre-seduction treatment all arabic men seem to havelearnt in their nursery years. I can easily imagine this manager atthe age of three years old being held, fed and instructed by one ofthe ladies in the his nursery:“Yes, little boy…you´re so cute. You´re the most handsome, perfect boyin the world and no woman can resist your killing charms. And now payattention to this very important lesson: when you´re a bit older andyou wish to conquer a girl (taking her to bed and not forsleeping…LOL) , just treat her as a lady and pretend you´re agentleman opening all the doors for her, complimenting her in everything she does and says, paying for the meals you have togetherand protecting her from real and imaginary dangers of the outsideworld. Play the “gentleman role” until she falls in your trap andthen…well, after you´ve had your way with her, you can fart, eat withyour mouth wide open and stop paying for your meals altogether… noproblem!”


*** There is an internal debate on the right way to behave. I reallydon´t have a clue. It´s a charade so enigmatic and unpredictable…afterall my experience – both personal and professional – I reach a pointof not having a clue of something so basic as : should I accept thecookies?! Will that be interpreted as a previous YES to the upcomingseduction ritual?!I´m an intelligent woman, for God´s sake. Why on earth would I putmyself through this all over again?!I heard in a movie that your persistence is proportional to how muchyou want a certain thing, person, goal. I agree and I don´t knowanyone with my persistence and courage to fight for my goals. Thequestion is yet another. When does persistence starts to bend to theself-torture area? It´s a grey area as common knowledge defends “nopain, no gain” but , in some way, I feel when I´m putting myself andmy nerves to the test in a way that it´s just not worth it!


*** I sip my tea and try to talk about the work right on the table. Myattempts are profusely rejected and another kind of talk – the oneI´ve heard before – starts making an appearance.Do I have a boyfriend? Am I married? How could a woman like me be freein the world with no man covering her in jewels?! If I was your man, Iwould treat you like a queen and make you a star in a few month…wehave to work together, I can feel there´s a connection between us…(uhhh?!!!?) Would I consider going out to discuss this job? Maybe arestaurant in the hotel…the Italian food is excellent there…shall we?!


*** This is that particular moment when a dancer – at least the fewones who live in Cairo and have to survive by themselves – knows thata YES to these indecent proposals can mean a fast ticket to stardom.I´ve been promised and assured a LOT of things most dancers would killfor but I´m proud to affirm that my ambition was never bigger than mysense of pride and dignity. No success and stardom can erase a dirtybusiness or a dancer selling her body in exchange for careeropportunities. In these moments when the success ticket is beingpointed at me from the hands of these men, I remember what DANCE meansto me and there´s no other answer besides : Put the success ticketwhere the sun doesn´t shine and thank you very much!


*** NO. WE SHALL NOT. Point by point according to my own limitedEuropean mentality. We are in the office. The office is the rightplace to discuss business, no need for a restaurant. I am a dancer whocan bring people and, therefore, money and status, to your hotel. Iwin the job, you win the money from that same job. We both win.Simple, isnt´t it?!No,missy…not so simple.


*** The world started to feel too heavy on my shoulders, once more.Artists should not have to face this kind of situations ever. It´shumiliating and an affront to my education and intelligence. CLASSIC:No bed, no deal. Well…here´s my deal breaker.


*** I didn´t cry as I did so many other times after facing thesemeetings. I wanted to cry, let it all out. All the disappointments,all the struggles and setbacks. All the faith I have lost in humanbeings and their ability to be good, honest, brave and kind to eachother. I wanted to cry so hard…somehow, something inside of me was dryto a point that I couldn´t let a single tear come out from my eyes.Can someone dry up inside?I walked for a while across the Nile corniche and observed how the“fellucas” and other cruises floated on the dark water with no effort,no surprises and no reaction to the life happening around them.I kept wishing I could cry to release the sadness and assure myselfthat, after all, I am still a human being. I couldn´t.


*** As I´ve said so many times, the real challenge of a dancer inEgypt is not to be famous and succeed in her career (that´s easy ifyou just enter the game!) but to go through it without loosing herhuman kindness, her dignity and her heart. Now this is the challengeand I ask God for his help and omnipresent strength.