"Happy Birthday to me”

Cairo, the 13th June, 2009

“Happy Birthday to me”

*** I am not good at conventional celebrations. Like a true gipsy, I enjoy freedom in all its forms, including the freedom to choose when and what to celebrate. Why celebrate what society and tradition says it´s a “must” and not special moments that are truly significant for us?!

*** Birthdays are the main core of conventions and traditions and yet I was so excited to celebrate it this time!
I cannot thank my friends – close and distant – for all the messages, phone calls and presence in my life during this birthday. I cannot thank God enough for having done a real fun job at night and having a bunch of the sweetest real friends waiting for me indefinitely until I got released from the party I was performing in.

All of them had early awakenings the next morning and I was supposed to attend my own birthday dinner around 23h but only got there at 2.00h! And there they were…patiently waiting…the gesture itself filled my heart with gratitude.
I am invaded by gratitude feelings very often in my life and this birthday was one of such occasions when I recognize the blessings surrounding me.

Here´s what I am thankful for on this birthday:

1.My health and the health of the ones I love the most.

2. My friends – the real ones – and all the kind people who compensates for the terrible disappointments I had during the last year.

3. The new opportunities and challenges finally appearing in my professional horizon after three years of lonely struggle and hard work without a single break, helpful hand or incentive (except for the local audiences who have been my pillar).

4. My man. THE MAN. Oh, how long did I deserve to feel something great and real like this?!

5. “Kenzi”, my treasure or the new baby cat I adopted from the street. She has filled my lovely home with even more beauty…plus the queen Sweetie which has been showing me what true sexiness and beauty are for a long time.May God keep them both healthy and happy!

6. The fact that I have become wiser, truly wiser and feel able – also finally! – to concentrate on what matters in my life and never give a second thought to the subjects that are simply not worth my attention. Life is too short and uncertain in order to waste it with unworthy matters.

7. Restarting to teach on a regular basis and all the new learning and friendships that arise from that step. I am loving it…

8. Being here, in Egypt, fighting for my dream and having the health, talent and strength to go on doing it better and better.

9. My new orchestra and dancers! YES!!!

10. My newly achieved sense of security in myself and an understanding of life in Egypt that makes my days much easier. Trying not to sweat the “small stuff” and take personally all the sexual harassment, direct and indirect offences regarding the fact that I´m a “rak´asa” (dancer). I know reality and accept it as it is. I cannot change it but I won´t allow it to harm me or change me instead.

11. My newly discovered passion : riding horses in the desert and all the empowerment and meditation potential that comes with it.

12. It´s corny and, for sure, way too much common sense but…I am thankful to be alive and for all the suffering I´ve been through (“Ando devagar porque já tive pressa e levo esse sorriso porque já chorei demais…” piece of a brazilian song by the marvellous Maria Bethânia). In this song piece she says “I walk slowly because I´ve already walked in a rush, I am carrying this smile because I´ve already cried too much…” and that´s exactly how I feel.

13. Finally, I am grateful to notice that, despite all the deep disappointments I recently had with people I used to love from my heart, those betrayals and shocks didn´t make me sour, mad and negative. I can build a loving distance between my own pain caused by the ones I trusted and look at them with acceptance and good wishful thinking. I am glad the dark side of so many people who used to surround me has ended up filling me with LIGHT. And for that I am thankful to them (they know who they are).

*** Happy Birthday to me cause I deserve it!