Cairo, the 27th June, 2009

“Big transitions – Thanks God!!! – and the unexpected heart break of departures…”

“ You are the twelve year old girl, still flying free. But your innocence also ended then. The girl you were died; the potion of death was what all of us women swallow sooner or later. Have you noticed how at puberty the Amazon-like energy we are born with fades and we turn into doubt filled clipped wings?”
Excerpt from “Paula”, Isabel Allende

*** When the magical train of Destiny aligned all planets in order to make me throw myself into the unknown, there was nothing I could or wished to do to stop it. The Universe machine decides when you stop or move forward, although you can insist to delude yourself taking about total control of your life and such. I am aware that, no matter how strong I am, there´s nothing I can do against hurricanes, storms and trains that stop at your station and just give you the fraction of a second to decide: getting into the train or remaining in that same old station of yours with all its comfortable corners and predictable little joys.

*** I wasn’t taught to fly because my parents come from a poor background from which you would learn that life is essentially hard and only “others” get so lucky as to rise in all kinds of ladders and, even in those cases, they would do so thanks to less than honest activities.
Although scarcity was always an issue into my family home, I also had a mum who felt – on the silent, bravest part of her soul – that you could, indeed, run after your dreams and achieve, take risks and give them a shot, two, three, all you needed to move forward into your ideal life (or what came near from it). She has seen that fire and strong will to persevere in me and never, as soon as she recognized it, ceased to admire me and give me the assurance I needed when all I had were doubts and self-pity.

*** After demanding my contract´s annulment in the “PHARAOHS” (place where I performed for three years): Relief and excitement for my new contract but also a deep sadness to leave an whole family behind.
I was always cherished and taken care of by all the staff of the place and I will terribly miss them all. All the managers tried to avoid my decision but, once I decide something, there´s nothing or no one able to make me change my mind.
It sounds so corny but one of the managers had tears in his eyes as he said good-buy to me after I announced that I, finally, managed to be released from my contract, demanding its cancellation.

*** Staff from the tables, kitchen, WCs, mechanics, I think even cockroaches in the backstage room…all of them came to say good-buy to me and it was heart breaking to see them like that while I sustained my own tears in order not to give an inappropriate last, unforgettable show in front of all of them.

*** Side by side with excitement and joy, I also feel nostalgic and sad because I shared almost every night of my last three years with this lovely people and I counted on their presence as much as you can do with your own real family.