“Man proposes and God disposes”

Cairo, the 11th June, 2009

“Man proposes and God disposes”

*** I saw this phrase written on a primary school on my way home :“Man proposes and God disposes” .As with so many things in Cairo, I had to take notice of it, its beauty, truth and wisdom and the happy “coincidence” (if coincidencesexist!) of me catching sight of it after a wonderful day on the Nile,performing with my new upgraded orchestra (YES!!!)

*** I am very good at proposing, not so good at understanding and accepting that is God, indeed, who disposes. I am good at the fight,facing the challenges with my head up high and drying my own tears over and over again with the skin of my own hands. I am good at that.Sometimes, I even conclude I am good. Period.Now I realize, more and more, that is God who is pushing all thestrings for our destinies to unfold the way they are supposed to.Human power is limited and also an illusion. What a sweet illusion it is…

*** Today I realized the privilege of being on a new stage with a bigger orchestra and hear my name called with so much appreciation by strangers.I took notice of the audience´s attention and empathy, I opened myarms and felt like the whole place fit between my two hands.Ah, the illusion of power…so sweet…

*** I also took notice that you know you´re doing a great job in Cairo when you arrive to a new place and the whole staff – including thew.c. cleaning ladies – know your name and heard about you.You know you´re doing a great job when you hear disrespectful men in the audience trying to throw sleazy remarks at you and finding it impossible to do so after you start dancing…You know you´re doing a great job when musicians from another dancers who have never worked with you see you in public places and personally compliment you with an old fashioned kiss on the hand.You know you´re doing a great job when people stop eating and forget food in their plates in order to share your dancing with all their senses and attention.You know you´re doing a great job when you´re able to go against the corrupted system and grow in your career even if you don´t prostitute yourself for work opportunities and protection and even so when there´s absolutely no one – no empresario, no manager, no husband, lover or a good old fashioned pimp, no one – riding this wild path by your side.You know you´re doing a great job when your own musicians treat youlike a queen and respect you above everyone else.You know you´re doing a great job when you hold a full house of strangers in your hands, even if only for an hour of love, power and illusions which fill everyone´s hearts.You know you´re doing a great job when you make someone in theaudience whisper and tremble with only just one look.

*** I am proud of myself. The struggle has not been in vain. I feel blessed and thank God for everything.