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| 2012 was - probably - the hardest and most amazing year of my Life (so far). It is in times of chaos, loss, disappointment and general hopelessness that you find out which material you´re made of. Not that Life had been easy until 2012 - it never was simply because I always chose the hardest, most challenging paths and never compromised my Consciousness, Freedom or Dignity - but seeing the country that I consider a huge part of my Soul going down the toilet through "religious" extremism was almost too unbearable to take. Nonetheless, I prayed to see LIGHT in the middle of Darkness and so I did. Egypt and egyptians (not all but most of them) are focused on forgetting who they are and entering a "Dark Age" of Muslim-Political-Ignorance-Nonsense - therefore I felt it was time to cut the umbilical chord and spread my wings. I didn´t sacrifice to rescue Oriental Dance from Egypt in order to see it dying and buried in front of my eyes. I rescued it* so that it could LIVE and FLOURISH all over the world (Egyptian Dance belongs to the Universe´s Soul). Having bosses and men in the dance business sexually harassing me (and punishing me for rejecting them) was something I was used to deal with and fight against but having daily urges to kill men in the streets of Cairo during a simple walk to the grocery shop was REALLY making me - clinically - sick. I understood my FIGHT and MISSION was accomplished in Egypt and there was nothing else to conquer, learn and experience there. My heart was asking - crying, actually - for something HIGHER, BIGGER and BETTER (and so I follow it). Swimming against several tides for way too long - it is TIME to FLY (taking the best of Egypt inside of me, hanging from my wings). |
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| Always knew it: always did it. Nothing was ever given to me on a platter (quite the opposite). If there are people who receive miracles from the sky and handed an easy way to success I can assure you I´m not one of them (gladly enough, I presume). Since I decided to leave my country -Portugal - and dared to DREAM BIG (starting from Egypt and, more recently, all over the world) all I met were a series of battles, hard choices, opponents, enemies, monsters, hard - HARD - work, continuous struggles and mountains to climb all by myself. I also discovered that - in this world that is not resumed only to Egypt - a Woman is still expected to make less of herself in order to be accepted by others - specially men (and notice how I wrote the word "men": not Men). I payed my dues - indeed; and plan on keeping up the fight and using injustice, obstacles, enemies and "im-possibles" in my favour - as I am used to do. I noticed how so many envy the achievements I have gathered so far but VERY few envy the WORK, SACRIFICES, STRUGGLES and COURAGE needed to make it HAPPEN. I wish I could see more WORKERS in my field - and less "wanna be´s". It´s sad how I often receive emails of dancers who ask me about "the secret of my success" and once I tell them the secret (COURAGE, HARD WORK, STRUGGLE, then repeat beyond exhaustion) they tend to bend their heads and presume I´m an arrogant b... who´s just trying to disappoint them. No one seems to ask "what can I do to learn more, be a better dancer, excel myself". All seem to ask: what´s the easy, quick fix to make me a "star"?! Stars are in the sky, honey. All I know is that Success (at least, mine) is a CONSEQUENCE of a serious commitment to my ART and DREAMS. No tempest, fire, attack or battle can stop me from MOVING ahead: MOVING=WORKING. If that is not as glamorous as you wished, I apologize (but it´s just the way REALITY is). |
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| During 2012 I found myself totally immersed in the writing process of my own BOOK and traveling all over the world to teach and perform -sharing so much Knowledge that I´ve been gathering in 8 years of Life and Work with my orchestra in Egypt. As Oriental Dance dies in Egypt, is more and more alive all over the world (and that is how is supposed to be: the Universe KNOWS* best*). Having rescued the "tail of the dragon" of Oriental Dance in Egypt and gone deep into the essence of this Dance and its people, I can fairly say that is an honour to spread egyptian soul through every country I visit. It is my wish, dream and MISSION to keep doing it - more and more, bigger and bigger. It is. Amen.*** |
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| As soon as I started to see my Dancing career moving forward and spreading to different countries, I also understood how much WORK there is to be done everywhere and how much prejudice the whole world still holds on Oriental Dance. I often asked the generous sponsors who hired to teach and perform in their countries about the current situation of Dance in their country and how the general public responded to it and felt surprised - yet not shocked because SHOCKing was these last years of life in Egypt and the way Oriental Dance, Dancers and Women are seen and treated there - by the accounts of ignorance, tabus and association between streap-tease and "bellydance". I guess I´d been hidden inside my Cairo cocoon for a long time so I had no idea of how Oriental Dance is practiced and seen all over the world. Realizing IT gave me extra reasons to move ahead and do what I am SUPPOSED to DO. |
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| I am. BLESSED: I am.:) For everything. Even for the hard times, the knives stuck on my back, the disappointments, the negative side of so many things and individuals I insisted on seeing as naturally good. Simply because I hate crying over split milk and the whole victim issue: I don´t complain. It´s true that FREEDOM and SUCCESS in a woman who doesn´t sell her body or soul to the devil are still way too expensive for most to pay but I CHOSE the challenges, the lessons, the paths, the adventures, the risks, the DREAMS and their price tag. I OWN my LIFE - therefore I am responsible for everything: for the great and for the pain that comes with the great. From the negative I have learnt, grown, matured. From the rocks on the paths I have made my soul´s muscles stronger; my mind thicker and lighter (at the same time). I´ve built my character out of adversity and constant shocks and realized that VICTORIES do come to the ones who are GOOD, HONEST, CONFIDENT of their own gifts and HARD WORKING. "God helps the ones who help themselves" - I heard somewhere. Totally agree with it*. |
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| 2012 also taught me this treasure: it takes rare strength to be KIND on a constant base and specially towards the ones who were everything BUT kind to you. Kindness is - probably - the most elegant, eloquent, doubtless and convict proof of CHARACTER and character is gorgeous-divine-the quality I most admire in people. |
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| Yep: the cookies and all that jazz. |
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| I do - a thousand times I do. When I dance, it´s the MUSIC in my heart that I listen and follow (a kind of internal soundtrack that underlies all other music you may be listening with your "common" external ears). I do what I LOVE; I am with the people I LOVE; I FOCUS on LOVE and discover that this is the kind of SOURCE that makes Life worth living. |
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| My personal motto: the one I live by. The one I work by. The one I represent - to myself, mostly*. |
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| Love has many definitions and yet no words can - truly - express it. I only know what LOVE is NOT: Possession; Jealousy; Lies and games; Ego and vanity; Conditions that break the other person´s soul and dreams; Cutting each other´s wings. What it is? Allowing and inspiring each other to FLY - knowing that we´ll be back to each other´s arms by the end of each journey (here´s one of my VERY special wishes on my 2013 dream list). |
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| In and off - I´ve been writing and editing my own BOOK (a long term project that HAD to be born when the Egyptian Revolution exploded on January 2011). ACTION holds an incredible POWER (as opposed to THOUGHT which is - in my opinion - over estimated). Once you put your hands and give your word to yourself saying: "I´m gonna do THIS" a lot of energy, inspirations, lessons and mountains to be climbed rush in your direction. Writing this book started 8 years ago, in the moment I decided to move to Egypt with a BIG DREAM and a bag full of IM-POSSIBILITIES. The initial idea was to write a book about Oriental Dance from an "insider"´s perspective (therefore, I planned on living and performing in Egypt for about 2 years, maximum) and dig DEEP into this Dance´s ESSENCE, MEANING, PAST and FUTURE. Never did I imagine how far, low and high this journey would take me. So the cake is being written or the book is being baked and taking the right time for each ingredient to settle, melt, bake and be ready to serve. I first gathered all the ingredients of the cake (in my life, mind, heart and soul); then I started to create the cake with no idea of how to do it; once the ingredients were gathered in the order I felt was right, I melted them into each other and let them breath - each one at its own timing; then I pre-heated the woven and let the cake inside - baking, baking, baking. Now it´s baked, matured, warm (not too hot in a way that burns your tongue) and ready to serve. All I´m doing now is the decoration of the cake (polishing here and there, adding some chocolate and "chantilly", tasting it to SEE* if it´s ready to be eaten by my guests or not). It´s so amazing to see a BOOK-CAKE has a life of itself: its own tempo, pauses, maturing time, beginning and end. It asks to be written when it´s ready, it pushes you into unknown directions and offers a lesson or two on the way there* and then it clearly tells you when it´s finished. My own WILL has little to do with it. My book commands me - not the opposite. So this is a gift 2011 and 2012 will offer 2013: the publishing of my BOOK. Amen to that too*. |
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| "Morphine, please!" - says Mr. Burns ("The Simpsons" rock!) and says "me" every time I look at the country Egypt is becoming. Sad. NOT my Egypt - that´s for sure. |
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| And Love* arrives when you least expect it: changing everything: wiping all sand from the tired floors of your experienced kitchen: making everything BRIGHT. Is LOVE and illusion (dangerous one)?! That´s still one the mysteries I am curious about. Plan on finding it out: 2013, here we come. |
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| Gratitude list (a MUST): * My health is the most precious gift God has been offering me. With It I can recover from everything and anything and keep climbing my mountains; * Love and Friendship (all the people I meet that bring sun and flowers to my garden); *My family´s support and unconditional love (not so common as one might think); *The Talents* I borrow from God - using them in the RIGHT way is my responsability. Working hard to honour them and deserve their presence in my Life; * Doing what I love the most and being appreciated for it (HUGE blessing); *Continuous chain of lessons, learning curves, experiences and LIFE that allow me to expand as an Artist, Teacher and Human Being; *All the acts of KINDNESS I´ve experienced make me believe that there is so much GOOD in the world that it´s almost impossible to believe in it; *Opportunities to accomplish my highest DREAMS; *Travelling around the world through my work and all the wonderful people I meet on the way; * All the kind, honest, generous, beautiful human beings whom I found in the most unexpected places - proving me that this is HOPE for the world and for Humankind. These are the ones who compensate for all the negative experiences I´ve had. It took me a long time to admit that not everybody is pure, good, fair and well intentioned. Yes: there is evil in the world (why on earth did it take me so long to FACE this fact?!). But there is also immense BEAUTY and wonderful people; feel a deep sense of GRATITUDE for having met so many of them. *Peace - of mind, of country, of life; *A heart that can still manage to be "naif" (not stupid though) after so many attempts to turn it into stone; * A soul that is not corrupted after so many tempting meetings with the devil (disguised in so many alluring attires); *LOVE: just LOVE - inside and around me. * May 2013 be THE year of our LIVES (at least half of the task is in our hands). |
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