Cairo, the 16th July, 2010

Is it a mortal sin to be beautiful?!

This is a complicated subject to discuss because I don't see myself as specially beautiful (phisically speaking) as others seem to see me. No matter how many strangers judge me and point a finger at me assuming I am full of myself and vanity, here's the - maybe!- sad truth:

MOST OF THE DAYS, I DON'T SEE MYSELF BEAUTIFUL IN A SPECIAL WAY AND, MORE OFTEN THAN I WOULD LIKE TO ADMIT, I GET TIRED OF MY OWN FACE AND BODY.

This will leave some of you happy and others surprised but it's the pure truth.
It's not that I don't love myself but what I am INSIDE is way much more interesting and beautiful than the exterior face of it all.
I am aware of my talents and intelligence. I am not shy to say I am intuitive, emotional and loving but external beauty has never been a special treat for myself or something I am proud of.

Now here's the thing:
I've learnt - while studying/working as an actress and, specially, as a professional dancer - that, when most people perceive you as particularly beautiful, you PAY a price for it.

I cannot count how many times I heard women (sorry, fellow women but these comments come, usually, from the feminine side of Humanity)comment how I am a charismatic dancer, a well dressed dancer, a great personality dancer, a dancer with great hair or make-up and, and, and... but they will rarely admit or mention that I may be a GREAT DANCER.

It seems that being perceived as BEAUTIFUL is a handicap that builds a wall between me and some audiences. It's like being too BEAUTIFUL excludes all other qualities, including REAL TALENT.

I still remember some of my teacher's comments when I was studying to be an actress in the portuguese Conservatoire. How many times I heard the same: you're too beautiful to be taken seriously as a theatre actress...
I didn't get the point then but now I DO!


The irony of it all is ME, MOI MEMME...not considering myself as a particularly beautiful woman. I may be judged and punished in my work for that but I don't enjoy the good side of it!
OOOOOhHHHHHHHHHHH.....not fair! Not fair at all...