I am a strange creature.
The more I know of human beings, the more I am aware of my strangeness.
As an Artist, I was never prone to join parties and social events where glamorous photos are taken to give the impression that everybody behind the lens is a star. I a CRAFT person.Meaning that I enjoy the process of CREATING ART and not much the showing off that usually goes with or without it. I share this kind of shyness with my dear teacher and friend Mahmoud. I will gladly close myself in a room choreographing a new piece or focusing on endless rehearsals with my orchestra. I will have a blast on stage or teaching a workshop/class but, most of the times, I will leave back to my inner world once the work is done.
I will grab my man´s hand and fly away after a show, I will surrender to my shy nature (the one that very few know about) and gather with a close friend for a candle lighted dinner, I will catch my mum and go to a late session cinema (if I happen to be passing by Portugal). I will even spend a couple of hours watching Gene Kelly with Mahmoud (Reda) and listening to new songs he insists on showing me for upcoming choreographies.
I love the CRAFT, you see. The DANCE itself and all its inner corners, worlds, coffee shops by the Nile. If behind a camera, it will also be for a purpose, probably an opening of my soul that I know will be captured through a machine and a person who is curious enough to go beyond the appearances.
I wish I was more outgoing, cool, hanging with the crowds. For sure that would be an efficient self-promoting tool, as it is for most dancers I know. But it wouldn´t be me, after all, and I would never stop feeling that time was wasted when I could be using it to love a man of my own, to dine with a true friend, to hold my mum´s hand, to laugh with my father , to read, to learn, to CREATE.
Glamour is, as far as I see it, the WORK itself and the discoveries that come with it. Maybe in another life I will get busy with the other side of my profession (so overrated these days). Talent is more interesting than convenient social connections. Work, sweat, tears and flights are much more important than taking the right photo with the right person at the right time.
Yes, some say I m in the wrong profession. I think I m just in the wrong environment. The profession fits me as I was born with it under my skin. The whole false stardom around is what feels strange to me. Always was, always will be (perhaps!).